I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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