You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
