he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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