i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
