i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
why is half of my head shaved?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
