I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
