Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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