her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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