She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
