the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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