I have demons in me.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This baby is an asshole
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
