dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
