Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
