i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
