when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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