Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
