New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
