so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
