I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
