Fine. I'll sleep in my office
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
