the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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