I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Acid is not a monday night drug
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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