getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
