i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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