i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
