just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize