Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
