i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
