Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
