Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
