Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
