we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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