worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
