Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
