If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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