My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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