You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
