yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize