i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
