I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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