she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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