listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize