so that wasnt chicken after all
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Someone signed my nipple.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
