I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
