theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
