Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
