I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
