i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
