Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Text me some of your sweat
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
