so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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