Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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