Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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