ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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