everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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