Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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