Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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