remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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