ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Who died my cat blue again?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
