Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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