it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
