...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize