I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
