She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
